I have to admit. i am homophobic. As a straight male, i always thought gay people Chose to be gay. i had no compassion or understanding for them. Recently, my cousin told me he was gay. It totally rocked our family's world. He is more than just my cousin, we are closer than brothers. My mom raised him with us (5 brothers, 2 sisters) when his mom died. He was 2 years old then. We are in our late twenties now. We did everything together since we were the same age. We even attended the same college and had the same major. We were roomates the whole 4 years. Even our schedule was exactly the same for three of our four years. As it stands now, no one, save our mother and myself will have anything to do with him. Everyone in the family is hurt and ashamed of him. Our family will not even speak to him. He has lost almost everything, our friends no longer speak to him. I asked him why was he gay? He told me it wasn't a choice for him. Deep down inside he always knew he was different. No matter what he told himself and how many girls he slept with, it never changed this feeling he had. My cousin laid it out for me "Do you really think I would choose a lifestyle that would turn all my family and friends against me? My brothers and sisters no longer want me around their children. I am called names by my own family. You should know I would never do anything to hurt momma, I know she still loves and accepts me, but she hates what i have done to the family" I love my cousin very much, so it is clear cut for me. I don't agree with the lifestyle, but i will not abandone him over this. What is your point of view on this subject? Anyone got any advice for me and my family?

I always felt being gay is a choice. It's natural to be attractive to the opposite sex. To be a homosexual requires a conscious decision.

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Forward motion makes you sway like the ocean
The herb is more than just a powerful potion

I thank you for your openness here.

I might come from a completely different world, but I think its a couragous and good step to not abandon your cousin even if others have done so. After all, is he a worse human due to what he admitted?

I would believe him when he says, he did not choose. There are many stories of people where former generations tried to "heal" him from homosexuality. Many who where handled that way, were afterwards a case for the psichatry. Its like left hander and right hander. Of course you can try to make a right hander out of a left hander, some can cope quite well with it, some do not even mind to switch to the "norm". But others break apart at the attempt to do so. Most take enduring harm from such a switch.

Of course there will be people who choose to be gay. Especially those who are bisexually oriented. But not those who are really homosexual, they do not choose, they simply are. Of course they can try to neglect their feelings and pretend to be hetero. But they will have to lie at themselves to do so, and they will lack the ability to give the love a woman would need. Is that what our society demands from those people? To pretend to be hetero and lead desastrous marriages?

But to understand your position better, perhaps it might be good if you tell me, what was exactly the dispicable act your cousin committed? Was it that he was not open towards the family right from the start? Was it that homosexuality is unexcusable? Does anyone think he does this because he wants to destroy his life or to ruin the family full intendedly?

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"Every country gets the cuisine it deserves"

I strongly disagree.
Why should so many people "choose" to be gay, even those who despice it completely (also among the official gay haters homosexual people can be found, always again there pops up a case of that sort), and destroy their lifes?

And which scientific study suggests that every homosexuality needs a conscious decision?

PS:
I am confused, normally are people who are tolerant towards THC, also tolerant towards those isses...

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"Every country gets the cuisine it deserves"

I don't recall saying there was a scientific study done. I specifically recall stating it was my opinion. That's why I made a point of saying, "I always felt being gay is a choice."

Got me. I don't fall into any specific "click" nor can be categorized. I just be myself and express my views and ideas.

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Forward motion makes you sway like the ocean
The herb is more than just a powerful potion

It sounds like you've accepted him as he's decided to be just fine.

I think it IS a choice. People that beleive "That's just the way I AM." have been sold a bill of goods from the perverse parts of our culture and have decided that they're powerless over this aspect of themselves.

That's MY opinion. I wouldn't reject a family member over it though. I've known plenty of "homos" and gotten along (much raising of eyebrows in my friends and family) fine with them.


Maybe you can act as a buffer or go-between with the rest of the family that completely rejects him. Maybe they'll accept him slowly.

Maybe.

I'd also be sure he knew that I would help him in any way if he decided that he wanted to give UP "being gay". That happens a LOT more than people know because it's kept QUIET.

There wasn't anything specific he did, but being gay in the black community is a serious no-no. You would just barely be above child molester status. I am dishearted by how my family can so easily throw him away. He is still the brother u can always count on to remember everybodys birthdays, mediate family fights, and our nephews and neices just love him. He made it a point to take them to some type of event at least twice a month. He's taken them to concerts (raggae, rap, classical, jazz, rock), museums, art festivals, etc. and never asked the parents for a dime. It makes me angry just to type this reply. How can they turn their back on their brother, someone they praised and loved a mere week ago?

We're talking human sexuality here. A VERY strange and fluid subject. People aren't "born gay" anymore than they're born PEDOPHILES.

People do all kinds of weird ass crap to "get their rocks off." Some die early because of some of the weird perverse practices.

I'm not sure if it is a choice anymore, Thane. He has always been honest with me, even when i didn't want to hear the truth. He is not a follower type person. He has always been a leader even to our older brothers and sisters. I know it not a fad, because it's just not his nature. He hung out at parties in college but didn't drink or smoke (still doesn't) and he would be the first person most people would invite, he always made the parties wilder and better. I too, always thought "being gay" was a perverse choice, now i am just not sure with him. I still believe some people choose to be gay, but he isn't one of them.

Well, I don't know. It's sort of a deep rooted part of the self identity psyche I think. Like I said, I wouldn't hate or reject him for it though.

Sexuality has gotten pretty strange with the introduction of our larger brains and ability of reasoning and solving problems. Intellect can do very strange things with the sex drive. And it DOES.

It sounds like he's completely accepted himself this way and that's all there is TO it. If that indeed is where he's at, then there's really nothing for you to do other than accept and be there for him as well as you would any straight family member.