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The accusation implies that nationalism is bad if not a deadly sin in the eyes of Westerners.
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I disagree. America is a hugely patriotic nation. The Patriot Act aside, wherever you go in the US, it seems a US flag is always flapping somewhere in your line of vision. The US government is always on about they have to stand strong as a nation. Though confidence in the government has no doubt deteriorated, I think there's still an underlying sense of nationalism in America- it's like they all want to kick Bush out. There also seems to be a strong desire to do what's best for troops in Iraq, whatever that may be.
I'd say the key difference between western nationalism and Asian nationalism is the willingness of the people (I'm obviously generalizing here). It seems that in the west, feelings of nationalism are harbored willingly while in countries like China and North Korea, people don't really have a choice. The fact that the Chinese government crushes any form of dissent demonstrates it's desire for unity, which translates into nationalism albeit a forced and unnatural version of it.
I think the accusation against the Chinese government puts more emphasis on the manipulation of people rather than the promotion of nationalism- It's not the notion of nationalism that the west has a problem with, rather the aggressive and oppressive means by which it is enforced. I don't think the west likes the idea of a government which doesn't harbor the friendliest feelings towards the west, telling its citizens what to think.